Real Talk

I thought I’d be sad

It’s been fun

Look out world

Here I come.

If You Really Knew Me

If you really knew me, you’d know that my favorite color is yellow and has been since I was two.

You’d know that I think worms are disgusting creatures, and that when I come across them after the rain, I have to take a long path around them to avoid their grotesqueness.

You’d know that I run. Not because I’m the fastest one out there, but because I feel that if I don’t run, I won’t be able to relieve stress, and if I don’t relieve stress, one day it will swallow me whole.

You’d know that I am still afraid of my storage room, especially at night.

You’d know that one of my biggest fears is not doing enough, because if I don’t do enough, or  if I don’t do my best, then I won’t be able to look back with no regrets.

You’d know that I love chocolate; I think it should be its own special food group

You’d know that for as long as I can remember, being a Knight was all I would ever be.

You’d know that I am indecisive about almost everything

You’d know that I could read a good Christmas book anytime of the year

You’d know that I love the snow; I love crisp, clear winter nights when the moon glistens off the flakes that powder the sidewalk, and the crunch of shoes in the hard ground.

You’d know that I have a love hate relationship with my alarm clock; I enjoy being up, but not the actual waking up part.

You’d know that I can’t watch Charlie in the Chocolate Factory because the whole thing just gives me the creeps

You’d know that I have a name, and sometimes all I want to know is that you know I exist.

You’d know that I miss summer nights, and long bike rides, and daydreams watching the clouds and the care free days of childhood

And sometimes, I still feel like a child at heart, just caged in teenage form and am not allowed to

come out.

If you really knew me, we would be friends.

Life As We Know It.

Life as we know it is run on a clock
Some how I think they managed to take away an hour of the day,
cause where did all the time go . . .

6:00 am - alarm goes off

7:00 am- Jump out of bed realizing you've over slept

7:40  am- You sit at the light waiting with all the other high school students trying to rush to school

7:44 am- You throw your car in park and fly through the parking lot, you can't get another tardy in first period

7:46 am - Your stomach growls in protest, you ran out of the house so quickly you forgot breakfast

I thought us high school students needed our sleep? I also thought breakfast was the most important meal of the day. Oh wait, both are true. In conclusion, school should start later.

First - Math: who cares that it is May, we still have to learn, oh by the way, you have a test on Friday it's worth 50% of your grade.

Second - English: You have the class to write a two page paper on the effects of British Poetry on American Culture, you must cite two references in your writing, ready, set, Go!

Third - Science: I don't know how many times I've learned about gravity, basically all I need to know for the rest of my life is that it is what keeps me on the ground.

Lunch - Finally! 45 minutes where you can talk to your friends.

Fourth - History: Pop Quiz time! Hope you remember everything that has happened in the last 100 years.

3:00 pm - Work. Take an order, slide a card, fold some t-shirts, answer a phone. . . I'm saving up for a car, I'm saving for a car.

6:00 pm - Dinner, your family gathers and you talk about your day. The meal was really good.

7:30 pm - Start some homework, but get distracted by Facebook, or TV, or cell phones, or that weird smell coming from your closet, Maybe it's time to clean it out.

8:30 pm - Done procrastinating, better start homework for real this time.

1:00 am - Finally finished with all your homework, now you can crash on your bed, still dressed in your clothes, but you just can't find the energy to move, your day starts all over again in 5 hours.

Life as we know it for approximately the next 20 days!
Summer is so close, I can almost taste it!

Ordinary World

The Great Escape

Elle is a 21 year old college student. Her major is business management, and her minor is accounting. She lives the average life of a college student. Going to classes everyday, spending hours studying, going to work, and on the weekends she crashes. Everything is going as it should until her final semester when she must take the one required class she has left to graduate, philosophy. Her first day of class she sits in an isle seat safe from being called on, but throughout the entire class she can feel that something just isn't right. She turns to see a man staring at her and when she looks back ten minutes later, he is still staring at her, but this time he looks away. It is then that she recognizes the face, the scar that lays over the left eye, it's him! After class she tries to escape with the crowd, but it is too late. He has found her and there may be no escaping him this time.

How will Elle escape her captor this time?
Is it too late for Elle now?
Rather than run, does she try to fight back?

Spring

The blossoms are just coming out of the groundThe rain is lightly drizzling
The slight breeze is blowing the wind chimes
The sound combines making a plinking and a patter on my window pane
The thunder cracks through the sky followed by the lightning in the distance
Here I sit.
Waiting
Watching
Wondering
The world is growing up right before my eyes
If I sit here long enough I might see the grass grow
But then what would I be doing
Still sitting
Not growing
The world would be moving on without me
Leaving me in the dust
I yell for it to wait for me
Begging for time
Wait just a minute longer I need some time to catch up
When I open my mouth nothing comes out
I'm not given the chance for my plea to be heard
So I take off after it
Running as fast as my legs will carry me
Hoping that I can catch up
Time continues
The world moves on but I need a break
A chance to breathe
But the world won't stop
Time won't stop
Try as I might, I can't grasp the reality
Summer will come eventually
It's not going to wait for me to be ready
Ready or not here it comes
But I just want to preserve this moment
Sitting watching the world grow
The drizzle has turned into a downpour now
The thunder shakes
The lightning flashes, casting shadows around my room
The blossoms get their rain
Nourishment to keep growing
And here I sit
Waiting
Watching
Wondering
Praying

Dialogue

Scene:  A dimly lit restaurant.  The waiter is walking away from the table. A man and woman sit silently, at a window seat watching the snow fall outside. Carolers stroll by. The chime of a bell rings consistently in the distance as the charity ringer stands outside the mall raising money. The candle flickers softly at the table. The man opens his mouth to speak then hesitates then he begins. . .

1: So is this it.

2: What?

1: This is how we are going to end things between us. You, leaving me for the next year to go help teach children English in some foreign country.

2: I didn’t know that this was the end

1: Well it sure feels like it

2: I’m sorry

1: Why do you have to go now? You could teach children here English.

2: It looks better on resumes, the jobs aren’t open here anyway so no matter what I would be leaving the town.

1: But, I don’t want you to go.

2: Well I don’t want to either, but I have to. . .

(The waiter brings them their food, they smile their thanks and as he leaves the conversation begins again)

2: I would love to stay here, but it’s the first job offer I have had in months, and I’m living on ramen as it is.

1: I just can’t believe that you’re leaving.

2: It’s only for a year and I’ll be home every 3 months to visit.

1: (silence)

2: I promise, I’ll write every week.

1: Okay.

(The dinner continues in silence, they leave and walk down the road pausing at the bell ringer just long enough to drop a few dollars in the bucket.)

1: Well then, I guess this is goodbye.

2: I guess so.

(The man gives her a kiss on the cheek and turns to leave, both leave in separate directions, never looking back. Silent tears roll down both their faces. They pause at the ends of the street. The man looks back. . .)

1: Until next year.

End Scene.

Disneyland

These last few weeks of school

All I can think of is Disneyland.

Disneyland: the happiest place on earth.

One day I think I might run away.

I think I will go to Disneyland

So that day when I am not in class

That's the day I have disappeared to there

My happy place

Where there are no cares in the world

The worst thing is waiting in line.

When the hardest part of the day is leaving.

If only school was like Disneyland

Shouldn't these last few weeks of high school be enjoyable?

Memorable?

Unforgettable?

I think yes.

No more tests.

No more late nights of procrastination

Procrastination is such a bad thing.

The problem is the intentions are normally good

I don't wait to do my homework because I want to.

I just always find something more interesting to spend my time on

So here I sit staring at the teacher

As they try to explain some new confusing concept

And all I can think about is Disneyland

I think about the carefreeness of childhood

I think of the fact that that part of my life is coming to an end

Soon I will enter into adulthood

Bills to be paid

Jobs to be made

And life to be lived

When asked where do you want to be in five years

The answer is no longer certain

No longer well I will be in high school

I might be at a different college

The answer is unknown,

My future is whatever I choose to make it

But what do I want?

The teacher is explaining the new concept,

My mind is whirling and I still don’t get it

And I don’t know how my life will work out

Disneyland is only a day away

And the rest of my life is starting right now.

Gatorade

Get ready for the cougar
there is imminent hope
but there is no match
overall immediate plans
to be the best
brings its own challenges
I will be prepared for you
in a game
hopefully you can come through
with the cougar.

Disclaimer: This picture didn't want to crop or upload when it finally did upload this is what I got so I apoligize if this is hard to read.

Everyday Heroes

Day after day they work

Putting their lives on the line for us

I’ve never met them

They have no idea who I am either

But I’m grateful for what they do

If only they knew that

What drives them to do it?

What could possibly make them do it?

They sleep with guns an arm’s length away,

Um, scary? I think yes

Walking the streets of foreign lands

Spending months, even years away from their families

Talking to them only when they have connection

Their only hold is the photo they keep in the front pocket

Tucked safely away with the note from their wives

The only tangible memory of them

The family back home questions, worries

Go days without seeing them

Missed events: birthdays, bike rides, proms, anniversaries

Going to bed without even a hug

Kissing the frame by their bedside

Praying that they will survive yet another day

Maybe soon they will get transferred home

They hold onto that wish as they drift to sleep

Only to wake up the next day and not see them there

Maybe things will be different one day

But for now what more can we do?

Dear Soldier the most I can say is thank you

Your sacrifices are great

And I can never repay you

I respect you

I’m grateful for you

Thank you for fighting for my freedom

Favorite Movie

Hmm.... That is really hard cause there are so many. You'd think that my favorite movie would be Legally Blonde, cause, hello, Elle Woods, it would just make sense. I think I will just talk about the most recent movie I have seen in theaters, HUNGER GAMES! So good. I actually really liked the movie, I think the directors did a really good job creating the scenes, and following the book. It was very nice. Okay and a bit on Legally Blonde. I just think that movie is so fun. It is really quite hysterical, and so I like it.

So those are my favorite movies that I'm not afraid to talk about, but what about the movies that have been our favorite since I was two? They sit unwatched like that gross cereal that your mom keeps buying but it keeps getting pushed to the back cause she's the only one that eats it. You run across it every now and again only to move on. But really one day won't we become like our parents. Reaching for the cereal with the healthy stuff in them cause our bodies can't take all that sugar anymore. Won't that happen with the movie? One day we will see it and think of our childhood. Maybe we will indulge ourselves. Babysit for a neighbor and put it in so you can secretly relive your childhood. Secretly belt out the Lion King Hakuna Matata. Cry when the Beast is on the roof and it feels like all hope is lost. Laugh at the exchange between Buzz and Woody. Ahh, those were the days, the good times, the movies.

So really my favorite movies are hiding behind some box, somewhere, waiting for the moment when I decide to relive my childhood.


~Elle Woods

Taking Chances: My Ode to Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

And sorry I could not travel both. . .

 

There I stand.

Which road do I take next?

The one which has been there forever?

Or that once in a lifetime opportunity?

I hate not knowing what the future holds

All these options being thrown at us now

The world is telling us to decided the next step

That step leads us to the rest of our future.

So many doubts run through my mind

What if it’s wrong? What if it’s right?

What if it’s too hard? What if I fail?

There is one thing I know for certain in life,

It’s my secret weakness that I think I can share,

I hate that word,

FAILURE

It’s so vulgar, so depressing, so upsetting

I think maybe that is my real fear here

That fear that what if I choose the road that leads me to failure

Then what?

I have no option then,

It’s not like I can go back and start over

So that’s it, isn’t admitting you have a problem the first step to recovery?

Well I have taken that first step, but now what?

I guess there isn’t really a second,

I just have to choose

I am doing no good to myself sitting on the fence and watching the world rush by without me

So I’ve made up my mind

I have my decision,

I’m not going to waste my time anymore on worries

I’m going to work on making that choice the better one

I’m not giving up on myself

That word, failure, yeah it’s not going to be a part of it

There is no room for failure

Only room for taking chances and learning from mistakes

Mistakes are not failures if you fix them the next time around.

Here I go,

Working my hardest to be my best.

. . . I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

My Poetry

I write it

It’s compiled of papers

Scattered from all different places

Equations from math are etched in the back

George Washington and other president’s timelines cover the sides

But at least I wrote it down

All those days of not paying attention in class

Maybe they are finally paying off

Maybe this is me finding my calling in life

Maybe, probably not

I hide it from most people

Afraid of what they might say if they actually saw it

No I don’t spill my secrets

But I say what I feel

I have no inhibitions

I don’t care what others have to say

Maybe that is the scariest part

But if they actually saw it what would I do

It might be too late to transfer schools

But maybe not

Oh but it just isn’t fair

So what if I stated my mind

It’s my poetry after all right

Or is it for you?

Did I write it so just in case someone saw it I wouldn’t be mortified?

I hope not

I really thought that it was for me.

I really thought that it was mine

That no one could take that outlet away from me

Subconsciously what if I still follow all the rules

Those stupid, confining rules of literacy

They say that I can’t end a sentence in the middle of . . .

Hmm. Look at that, I just did.

So there

Nope it’s for me

That proves it

It’s still my outlet

But it’s not for you to see

It’s mine

My poetry.

~Elle Woods

I Want to Be a Poet

Like a fading piece of cloth
I am a failure.

When I first read this I thought for sure it was going to be another depressing poem.
Maybe it's that word failure,
It's such a heavy word to throw around that when I hear I become depressed
I think about all that I have failed,
I think about what I may currently be failing,
Mostly I think of what if I do fail, how bad will that make me?

No longer do I cover tables filled with food and laughter
My seams are frayed my hems falling my strength no longer able
To hold the hot and cold

My depression deepens after reading this.
Not only did we fail the first time,
But apparently we continued to fail, leading us to the breaking point
When we are no longer holding ourselves together anymore
When we are no longer allowed to be ourselves,
That is depressing.

I wish for those first days
When just woven I could keep water
From seeping through
Repelled stains with the tightness of my weave
Dazzled the sunlight with my
Reflection

Regrets
I wish for a life of no regrets
I wish to be able to look back and realize that
I did the best I could
I think I will work on that

I grow old though pleased with my memories
The tasks I can no longer complete
Are balanced by the love of the tasks gone past

See we’re looking up now
Life was good,
We might have regrets, but they are small in comparison,
Comparison to what we have accomplished
The memories of the good times,
What a great sigh of relief

I offer no apology only this plea:
When I am frayed and strained and drizzle at the end
Please someone cut a square and put me in a quilt
That I might keep some child warm
And some old person with no one else to talk to
Will hear my whispers
And cuddle near

All we want is to be remembered,
To find out that what we did in life meant something
Us being there made a difference in someone else’s life
Service, we hope that we can be remembered for what we did for others
We will be there when others need us most
We will be a friend

What a happy ending to a depressing beginning
I guess that just goes to prove
No matter how bad a situation may seem,
We can always make it better.

~Elle Woods

P.S. this was my analysis of the poem Quilts by Nikki Giovanni
The way she captured the opposites of happy and sad
The way she exemplified how different outlooks really make a difference
She really makes me wish I was a poet.

Sleep

Lying there staring at the ceiling

Counting sheep

But sleep never comes.

The creaks in the house echo through my room

Bouncing between the window and the dresser

Tick tock, tick tock

Time never stops it keeps going,

But where does it go?

When I close my eyes what happens?

Where does my mind go?

I reach my breaking point

Finally falling captive to that looming darkness

Sleep

My mind wanders

Traveling through the empty house,

Exploring each crevice

Storing the previous day away

Hiding some moments

Holding others out in the open to share with all

While clutching some moments close to my heart

I replay those moments and they come to life

The sounds, the smells, the smiles, the tears

It all comes flooding back

In waves of memories

Time never stops it keeps going

Moving on

It travels to all the places I’ve been

It hides behind the desk

That holds me captive during the day

It reaches out to me

Acting out what I wish I would have just said

If only, if only

It’s my one more chance to stand out

It takes me to all the places I wish to go

Hiking the hillside of the Himalayas,

Biking the bottom of the Grand Canyon

Riding the dizzying roller coasters of Disneyland

Standing atop the ridge lines of Scotland

Looking out among the rolling waves coming in

Those waves of memories

Filling the room

Jumbling together to create dreams

Unfolding all the moments like a map

Only to fold them back up

And file them neatly away

Behind the tab titled memories

My mind continues to wander

Time keeps going

Tick tock echo through my room

Beep BEep BEeP BEEP BEEP!!!

The alarm sounds

Awakening me to the reality of time

It continued on without me

While all I did was sleep

~ Elle Woods

Attitude is Everything

I needed another post, but just couldn't think of anything else to write. I decided to google the term Uplifiting Stories and found this one on Attitude:

Think About your Attitude

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say.

When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what Michael said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care. Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter, " Michael replied. "Then, as I play on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or ...I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.
In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me, said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. "Yes, I replied."

The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled,"Gravity."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

After I read this all I could do was think how much our attitude affects every aspect of our lives. Remember in life, things won't always go your way, we've all experienced defeat but it is how you deal with it that really matters. I choose to be happy.

~ Elle Woods

Never Give Up Hope

Who said we had to grow up?

At what point in our lives are we required to let go of our childhood dreams?

Those days of wishing to grow up and be doctors or astronauts,

Why did we give up?

When did we realize that not every child our age would grow up to become the president?

More importantly when did we decide that it wouldn’t be us who would be president?

It’s just not fair.

It’s not fair that the world has told us what we have to become

It’s not fair that we have been told to be someone else

We have to come up with some reasonable boring desk job,

When we were little it was all about adventure.

All about playing with our friends,

All about riding our bikes and rollerblading during the summer

All about making it to Harvard, and being a genius

When coloring perfectly inside the lines meant we would be the next Picasso.

Well I’ve decided that I will not give that up.

No I’m no artist, and I knew that as a child,

But who says I can’t be a brilliant doctor.

No one, that’s who,

No one will tell me what I can and cannot do

I will never give up hope on what I want to become,

And you shouldn’t either.

The First and Last

It’s the end

Okay maybe not the end, but the last

It’s the last basketball game of our senior year

The last time we ride the spirit bus

The last time we get to cheer we love Quincy

It’s the last time

But it’s all the beginning

The beginning of new chances

The beginning of new opportunities

The chance to start over

Maybe cheer at the U of U, or BYU or USU games as a student

It’s our opportunity

It’s not the end,

It’s only the beginning.

Life & Death

Life is today

Death is the yesterdays you can never redo

Life is right now

Death is looking back

Life is doing what you want

Death is doing what others tell you to

Life is learning something new

Death is never paying attention

Life is never giving up

Death is never trying

Life is going out of your way to help others

Death is selfishness

Life is being a friend

Death is gossip

Life is a wonderful gift,

That only death ruins

So live it up for today

Because who knows what the future might bring

All I know is that I want my life to be one worth living,

Don’t You?